The Cuppa Joe Grinders

Get out there. Play. Have a beer. Laugh about it, whether a win or a loss. It’s all good at the average age of 40 for some of us its all we got. So when we get up against a team that has some players that are in the single digit divisional capabilities, “slumming it” so to speak to play with their buddies, then you just gotta go with the flow and give it what you got.

Jay certainly did, and at the time of this article is running away with the first star voting.  He sets up Goats on a 2 on 1 with a perfect pass that Goats made no mistake of burying. And then he pots the second goal with the support of Troy and Tidy. The game also saw the long awaited return of Brad Nickason to the line-up after missing far too many ice times, first with a concussion and then after a brief spell with the team he suffered a back sprain.  Welcome back old boy.

But alas, we were no match for The Crackers that have 3 players averaging 2pts per game. And their top player doing so by choice, limiting himself to that many lest their team get bumped up to a more competitive division and they only appear to be a mediocre team in Div 14.

And in closing I proudly announce the worst pun ever to appear in print: The team has decided to get together and buy Bob a Cyclone Taylor’s gift certificate for a new schtick.

A title like that gives promise for the Grinder Girl pic!

Grinders played 3 games and the webmaster was negligent in posting. So here’s a quick summary to get everyone up to speed.Grinders finally get Tim a win, then turn around and do the same for Pete. Scoring seems to be no longer an issue for the team with 11 goals in three games. PSP is squeaking ahead by 1 point to lead the team in scoring. Gordie is one minor penalty ahead of Ashworth for  PIMS leader…. (Gord maybe we should have a talk), Triggsy is leading the PPGA, we just need him to show up to s’more late ones.

The last game against the Grinders was a decent one. chippy at times yes, but all-in-all a good spirited affair. We were especially in good spirits when Andy’s elbow popped off that guys helmet.

This Thursday we plays against the Albino Crackers who hold the title for the longest winning streak at 9 games BUT it all came at the beginning of the season as they were in a lower division. So take it to ‘em Grinders!

Someone said your team was on a streak so I just had to come. I must have missed it though because even though I didn’t take my eyes of the game I didn’t see any naked bodies running across the ice. I guess I’m just glad it wasn’t you. Some people just look better with clothes on and you happen to be one of them. Take after your father in that regard. I guess I’m not surprised there were no streakers, I wouldn’t think anyone got that excited about your games. I mean, really, why would they?

I was a streaker once. I did it on a dare when I was young and foolish. Just before I claimed disability pension 2 years ago I hopped the wall at the Leo’s game. By the time I made it to the sidelines I was in full stride, kicking off my thong and heading for centre field. I would have made it too if wasn’t for those meddling kids. That one cheerleader, I think she was jealous; that flat-chested little tart really decked me. Not only did she break my hip on that tackle, she had wandering hands too once she got me down. Her’s was the second phone number I got that night. But I tell you; this hip replacement surgery is having wondrous results. The last time I was able to put my ankles behind my ears was the summer of 1982.

Anyways, enough about me. Lets talk about the new guys on your team. Where was number 9 last game? Ol’ Chicken-legs, he’s almost my age. A little skinny but seems to be in good shape. He’s probably in the best shape of all the guys on your team, and looks like he may have played a bit in his younger days. Too bad skill and fitness don’t mean anything in your league. But then again, I guess that’s the only reason you made the team. Poor Ol’ Chicken Legs, his brother isn’t in half the shape he’s in and is out there scoring. You’d never know they were brothers. 13 is working on his second chin, balding, and probably doesn’t even have a real job, just sits at his desk pretending to work. Reminds me of Castanza.

Seems to be a little nepotism running rampant on the Grinders. I see number 15 is related to a player on your team too. I can only imagine being in the room after the game watching those brothers shower together. He’s a cutie that 15. I hope he shows up for more games. Start bringing boys like that out and soon you will have members for your booster club with all the young girls following him around. You know you should make a poster with him on it. Maybe even a calendar, “The Men of Cuppa Joe.”  For December you could have that man you call Santa posing in his red jumper. Some women like their men stout!

I guess I shouldn’t be thinking out loud like that, I know how it embarrasses you. But we all have dreams you know. Maybe you should have a couple once in a while; maybe you’ll do something with your life.

Just remember, dreams are like fish, they’re happier when they’re wet.

BURNABY (Your Mom) — Your Mom,

Hi Honey! I came to see you play the other night. I enjoyed last game so much I just had to come again. Speaking of which, the other reason was because I heard that the cute goalie with the blonde spikey hair was playing. He’s still as handsome as ever, that boy. And still looking good. Sitting behind him for two periods was very nice. He has a cute little tush in those big goalie pants, and I can only imagine what it looks like in the change room. Is it nice? Oh never mind. You wouldn’t be looking. Would you?

I wasn’t too keen about sitting in the bar all game but after a while I got comfortable. You know once you get to know the guys up there, they’re really very nice. They started buying me drinks and sitting nice and close. Especially this one guy named Shane. By the way what’s a cougar? Shane said he used to play on your team and that he’s a good friend of the goalie. You should keep guys like him on the team, they’d help attract girls for you. Not that you need the help son, but lets face it, when’s the last time you got any? Oh. You’re still married to her?

Well at least that explains why you spend so much time at the rink. But again, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, have you considered co-ed? I hope they have separate change rooms when you’re on a co-ed team. If not then I suggest then you put on your cup first thing when you get in. That will contain any embarrassing moments if you see the girls changing. But if you’re like your dad, no one will notice anyways, so don’t worry about that. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.

But the bottom-line is, at least you’re keeping in shape. Its good to see you get out there and work up a sweat. Did you know sweating is good for your complexion? As long as you shower immediately afterwards, it flushes out all the oils and dirt from your pores. And you have lovely pores. A few black heads around your nose. But your beautiful eyes distract people’s gaze so they shouldn’t notice. You have such lovely long eyelashes. Any women would die to have your eyelashes. You know, you would have been a beautiful girl.

By the way, did you win that game? Oh never mind, I’ll just tell the ladies at the gym that you did.

Luv ya, B-Bye!

BURNABY (Your Mom) — I’m so glad that I finally made it to one of your games, son. It was so exciting to see you all dressed up in big pads and a mouth guard and everything. You looked so tough. Just like one of those real hockey
players!

You looked so good. Its always important to look your best, I always say. Apparently your goalie thinks so too. What a dashing hair cut he has, all blonde and spikey. That young man knows the value of appearance. Every time you boys were playing at the other end, he would skate by the glass and check himself out in his reflection. I bet you he’s hung. Pretty boys like him always are. But don’t let that bother you, son, your father was just like you and he was able to please me, I have no regrets. He was a little quick sometimes but that has nothing to do with size. I’m sure you’re just fine in bed.

Oh, but speaking of looking good out there. That #11, he is such an elegant skater. That boy has style. But be careful in the dressing room with his type, okay? You know what type I mean; single, thin, neat, living alone… not that there’s anything wrong with that! Just be careful. I’m not sure I like you showering with all those men.

Maybe you should look into getting into a co-ed league. That would be more your speed, anyways. Some of those guys out there are so fast. Like that Francis fellow, the one that had a chance all by himself to score on the other team. Why did he hit the bar? That wasn’t very smart. I bet YOU would have scored. Have you scored yet?

That was a very nice goal that the big fellow had. He reminds me of Shrek. You know the part of the movie where Shrek saves the princess. She’s expecting a handsome knight but when he takes off his helmet there’s this ugly man with a big bald head! Oh, don’t tell him I said that. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, he seems like such a nice person. Like Shrek!

By the way, did you win that game? Oh never mind, I’ll just tell the ladies at bridge that you did.

Luv ya, B-Bye!