The Cuppa Joe Grinders

Grinders’ recent string of wins means that player hopefuls in their farm team, The Aramark Brewers, will have less of a chance making any sort of appearance. What’s encouraging, or downright surprising, is how the Grinders are getting these wins.  Their success is coming without key players in the line-up such as; Heavy G who hasn’t seen the ice since Nov 16th (suspended for 2 games, then a surprise no-show on moving-day), Padre Williams also a no-show since November 16th, and Triggsy who has been out with injury and lame excuses for the past two months.

Even with the absences of these top performers, and Heavy G, the Grinders have had Brother Triggs and Mountain Bike Mitchelson as healthy scratches. So, who has been producing? Cuppa Joe Gord has been maintaining his 1.58 point per game average and has been getting help from players having career stats: Shrek, Santa, Troy, and Tanchak are all regular contributors. This means diminished hopes for those playing for the Aramark Brewers at Planet Ice who wish to crack the superior Cuppa Joe line-up.

Lester, brother of Cuppa Joe Gord, has to be one of the top prospects. Although waning in talent mostly because of “lacrosse-hands”, Lester plays with heart and determination.  But to make the Grinders line-up he must first accept the fact that he is indeed losing his hair. Comb-Overs are simply not allowed on the team.  Secondly, he has to shake the fragile image of a player that needs the “second scrape” in order to play at peak levels for an entire game.

Uncle Fatty, aka Bob’s Brother, has shown some past promise. His attitude toward the game and his demeanor on and off the ice suit the Grinders line-up perfectly.  But he has never shown the commitment and often uses such excuses as, “tired”, “watching football”, and “drunk” as reasons for not making any call-ups for spare. Now, perhaps, there may be some incentive for Uncle Fatty to make an appearance, as his arch-nemesis Tosh has secured a spot on the regular squad. Insiders feel that this may be the kick-in-the-pants that Uncle needs, i.e. an opportunity to show up his long time rival.

With the best Save Percentage and Goals Against Average in the division, Mats Hansen is making it very difficult for Pretty Boy Kuznak to make an appearance. Kuznak is a fan favourite because of both his on and off-ice escapades.  On the ice he is often a stellar keeper of the net and enjoys putting on a show. Off the ice he is often the life of the party and enjoys putting on a show. But with the large gaps in the schedule, Mats is getting plenty of rest between games and shows no sign of wavering or unexplained absences that have plagued him in the past.  Finally learning to play through the pain, Mats is having a career season.

Overseas draft picks are still developing and once they come to their senses and move closer to Greater Vancouver may have a positive impact on the team. These include: Monty (last reported cycling through Great Britain, Europe and the Middle East) playing in Taiwan (although he may be in too good of shape to play on the Grinders and might have to sign a clause stating he promises to digest shrooms or have an acid flashback prior to each game), Blonde Kid (aka Guy’s Brother) is playing on the natural ice surface outdoors in the Peg currently delusional and insisting he enjoys living there, Ted will return to the Greater Vancouver area eventually to promote his cover-band and ride his youngest brother’s coat-tails to stardom.

A further hindrance to the future of the farm team members is contract holdout, defenseman Mr. Safeway. General speculation has it that the Grinders are somewhat below his level of play, but they will continue to seek his services in the future trying to explain that it’s not how much talent behind the stick that matters, but how much fun you have playing with your stick is what counts.